Hip Hop Roots

Circa '99

What We All Want II

People look for what they want in all sorts of different things. And they often neglect the things that they need in life. There are a couple of basic things that I think most of us want even if we're not completely aware of the fact that we want those things. I don't know how to communicate that to people. Usually its just something that you learn in time.

Hip Hop Roots

Circa '97

New Sounds In the Stereo

01. Nicolay & Kay - Time:Line
02. Oddisee - Foot In The Door
03. Emanon - The Waiting Room
04. D. Black - Ali'yah
05. People Under The Stairs - Carried Away
06. Away We Go (Soundtrack)
07. The Ambassador - Christology: In Laymen's Terms
08. Shad - The Old Prince
09. Tanya Morgan - the Bridge EP
10. Paul & Linda McCartney - Ram

What We All Want

I don't really know what I want. I don't really know what I need. I don't know what other people need. I feel confused a lot of the time... not really knowing what direction to go, what things to do or how to live my life properly. Life is interesting that way. It's a bit of a search.

Hip Hop Roots

Circa '96

No More

I'm cutting out all of the negative voices
I cut 'em out... I cut 'em out
I'm cutting out all of the negative voices
Because they are paramount

Burnt Offerings

Way back I used to call upon the Father often
I fought the devil last night and almost lost
Now I'm drinking bottled water... Flushing out the toxins
Vomiting and coughing feeling closer to the coffin
Than I ever had
Every morning that I arrive
Is a night that I survive
Just to be alive – sipping chai
And listening to my favorite DJ
Communicate the music, what my rhymes would say

Another Quote

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." - Thomas Merton

Transformed

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

- C.S. Lewis

Ohmega Watts

"We're all instruments of God and as any musicians instrument, we should be tuned to operate properly, so that can translate to our spiritual walk to our habits."

Are We All Forgotten?

Years ago I met my lover
On the banks of the stormy Jordan
Years ago I met my lover
How I wish that we could meet again

Have I lost my faith in you?
Are we all forgotten to?
Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

I still believe that change can happen
Though it's hard and it happens slowly
I still believe forgiveness comes with love
And God when it washes over me

If we've all forgotten you
Are we all forgotten to?
Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

So what are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?

Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

Mad Props To Pi Patel

I have a tendency to abandon God when I feel lost. Within days of false loneliness, I run for the hills. I give up. And in those moments I find myself more miserable then ever. When I give up or show signs of hesitation, I expect God to walk into the room and reassure me that he is with me. Time and time again I come to the hard realization that he doesn't do that. He will not give me a sign when I throw temper tantrums. That is not how he works. Since I have started my walk with Christ, I'm discovering how God really operates. And expecting him to show me constant signs is not growth. It will not teach me how to depend on Him and to have faith.

So I am learning new things and going through spiritual trials. My newest lesson is to really trust in Him even when my life seems stagnant or aimless. One of the biggest ideas of Christianity is faith and that is something I tend to forget.

When I run away from God, not only am I hurting but he is hurting too. He feels that abandonment. And when I come stumbling back, I feel like I am back at square one. I become skeptical all over again. I try to apply my own ideas and superstitions to my walk. Which ultimately leads to breaking everything down and re-learning and discovering the true teachings of Christ.

A few evenings ago I had a mental breakdown. It was terrible. Only negative thoughts we're coming into my brain. I was furious at God. Pissed about what I have gone through and why I don't deserve it. Pissed about my money situation and how I still feel lost in life. And I yelled and kicked and screamed and nothing happened. I just fell asleep. When I awoke the next morning, I felt different than the night before. I felt blessed about my job and my family. I felt happy. And that's when I realized that God has blessed me and I can't look for the negative things. I have to focus on Him and all the wonderful things he has put in my life.

And I have been wondering, how long will God chase me?

Why should I continue to run away when He is always by my side?

And where is my faith?

Maybe I haven't reached the next level because I keep falling. I take three steps forward and then four steps back. So maybe in realizing that my next area of growth is to stop running away when things look bad is my new conviction. It is my growth. God has blessed me.

Thank you, Lord.

Getting Up

I like to watch everybody gravitate towards you
Your magnetic presences make them come thru
The same way you got them
You got me too

Thanks Melatonin! (You Placebo, You)

Many nights I have stayed awake because of my wandering mind. And I turn on the T.V. and watch in complete horror. Flashes of fast food commercials and infomercials. Images of skinny women and muscular men and they're all using vagisil and taking viagra. Why I am always being sold something? You cannot buy me!





...if only I could sleep.