Pain

My current mess is not fresh. Not fresh at all. It’s a very difficult mess. One giant messy mess. And although the storm isn't over, the damage is slowly being discovered and it has to be repaired.

During this mess I have been reading a book titled Sex God by author and pastor, Rob Bell. His book is perfect for me. It has opened my eyes so much. And even though I feel like I am walking thru complete darkness right now, I have found great messages inside of it. So today on my break, I was reading and I came across a section that jumped out and grabbed my heart. It struck such a huge chord in me. In all honesty, I teared up. The text seemed like it was written for me. ME!

Hopefully when I’m down and out I will remember to this.




"If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels.

If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels.

The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like."





I was completely shocked that this was written in the book I was holding. I witnessed a real miracle. It was quite breath taking. So what did I do? I kept reading.





"Our healing begins when we participate in the suffering of God. When we don't avoid it but enter into it, and in the process enter into the life of God. When we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker.

And In this connection, there's always the chance we'll find a reason to risk again.

If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too.

Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love.

There is something divine in your suffering.

Somebody divine in your pain.

You know how God feels.

Really good, loving people get hurt. It's how things are.

Maybe you are living in the wake of a relationship that fell apart. You have to dig those moments up. The parts that hurt and the awkward conversations and the anger and the failure and the misunderstanding and the betrayal. You have to dig them up and acknowledge them before you are ever going to heal.

The danger is that you will decide it isn’t worth it. Why risk if it's going to hurt like this? The tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to build around your heart, and for something within you to die.

A decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. They go together.

In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything - that’s what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can’t make us love him - that’s our choice.

Love is risky for God too."





After reading that, my day looked a lot brighter. I felt amazing. I needed this! This was written for me. And the truth is, it makes complete sense. I now see how this is working and why there is so much pain. Maybe this mess will transform into love and growth. Maybe I will come out of this much stronger than before. Maybe God does feel my pain. Maybe I can forgive too.

I find comfort in this. I can see a resolution and a small light at the end of a long tunnel. I see freedom.