Thursday, July 30, 2009
2:00 am
It's not that I need to love someone (although I do)... it's that I'm missing being loved by someone else. It's gone. And I miss it. I want to know that I am important. There is no need for you to be so independent. Dependency is not a bad thing. You can depend on me if you want. In fact... I want you to. I want to be there for you. Call me if you're scared. Talk to me if you're lonely. I am still me. I haven't gone anywhere. And I am done burning bridges. I am done looking for happiness in materialistic things. I am done wasting time. But I'll never be done being there. For you or anyone else. Its all relational right? I'm diving in head first. And the days where my sin is running rampant... I lose connection. I become lost. Within days I become a zombie. If I keep my eyes on God.... everything else falls into place. I have tested it. I have seen it and felt it. It's very real. The nights I run have shown me that I'm still human. The nights when I don't think I can make it... I push through it and I feel like a monsoon. Its all work of a beautiful creator. Its one giant painting. I see art. I am art. You are art. I'll leave you with one question. What is more beautiful: A lonely lover or a lovely loner?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Godly Thoughts (Maybe)
Knowledge:
For all the things I think I understand and don't understand... it all turns out to be nonsense. The only real understanding I have is that God is patient. Every wrong thought will be corrected and God will continue to turn those lousy ideas and half-truths on their head. I am truly lost without God. In the gospel, Jesus talks about being like children, which I think I can apply here. Children are always continually learning and growing. We, as adults, need to find that innocence. We need to learn and ask questions. We need to test it all out.
Insight:
Ben and I were discussing Fasting the other day and he was telling me in detail what he has experienced through Fasting and how it has changed him. After everything he told me, he told me one last thing which deals with the book of Ecclesiastes. As he was reading through that particular book while Fasting, God revealed to him that most things in life deal with vanity. Everything is lust and vanity. He went on to tell me that this was such a major insight for him and it helped him get over the daily ideas of buying clothes, cars, having materialistic lust and a personal image that he and everyone else is trying to pursue. It became so clear to him. It helped him remove those irrelevant ideas from his life. He is now much more into being a man of God and not so greedy and self-centered. Not only did this story give me insight, it really showed me what Ben has gone through as a christian. I love hearing stories like this. And I think Ben is right. When we focus on God... our self-image crumbles. It becomes so unimportant that we forget about it entirely. We need to mirror Christ, not rock stars. I'll be reading Ecclesiastes soon.
Family:
About 13 years ago, my mother had a choice. Two options. She could of hung on a little longer or escaped with my sister and I. God gave her these options and she made the right choice. God saved us. He used my mother to save us. But he also used us to save my mother. Even if she didn't feel worthy, she was. All of us were worth it. Everyone is worth saving. If you know someone who needs to be rescued... then save them right now! Maybe all they need is one person to reach out.
I love you mom. Thank you.
For all the things I think I understand and don't understand... it all turns out to be nonsense. The only real understanding I have is that God is patient. Every wrong thought will be corrected and God will continue to turn those lousy ideas and half-truths on their head. I am truly lost without God. In the gospel, Jesus talks about being like children, which I think I can apply here. Children are always continually learning and growing. We, as adults, need to find that innocence. We need to learn and ask questions. We need to test it all out.
Insight:
Ben and I were discussing Fasting the other day and he was telling me in detail what he has experienced through Fasting and how it has changed him. After everything he told me, he told me one last thing which deals with the book of Ecclesiastes. As he was reading through that particular book while Fasting, God revealed to him that most things in life deal with vanity. Everything is lust and vanity. He went on to tell me that this was such a major insight for him and it helped him get over the daily ideas of buying clothes, cars, having materialistic lust and a personal image that he and everyone else is trying to pursue. It became so clear to him. It helped him remove those irrelevant ideas from his life. He is now much more into being a man of God and not so greedy and self-centered. Not only did this story give me insight, it really showed me what Ben has gone through as a christian. I love hearing stories like this. And I think Ben is right. When we focus on God... our self-image crumbles. It becomes so unimportant that we forget about it entirely. We need to mirror Christ, not rock stars. I'll be reading Ecclesiastes soon.
Family:
About 13 years ago, my mother had a choice. Two options. She could of hung on a little longer or escaped with my sister and I. God gave her these options and she made the right choice. God saved us. He used my mother to save us. But he also used us to save my mother. Even if she didn't feel worthy, she was. All of us were worth it. Everyone is worth saving. If you know someone who needs to be rescued... then save them right now! Maybe all they need is one person to reach out.
I love you mom. Thank you.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Life Goes On
"Time is very precious to me. I don't know how much I have left. And I have some things I would like to say. People say to me 'How do you get through life?' To me, there are three things we all should do everyday. Number one is laugh. Number two is think. And number three is you should have your emotions moved to tears.
Think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry... that's a full day."
- Jim Valvano
Think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry... that's a full day."
- Jim Valvano
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Change
With this new shift... friends have disappeared. Ideas have imploded. Its slowing down. All of it. And I find myself sleeping with one eye open. But the sleep is better than ever. I cant imagine what it will be like with two shut lids.
My heart keeps shooting revenge in the throat. He is becoming weaker and weaker as my piggy bank is filling up. Filling up with hope and laughter. Not a laugh with "I told you so" trailing it. But a laugh from the pits of clarity. Laughter with vision. Vision of something different. Not bad. Not good. Maybe amazing. My family can see it. Can you? Everything with inside me feels it. Can you? My wallet smells it. Can you? I want it more now than ever. Do you?
My heart keeps shooting revenge in the throat. He is becoming weaker and weaker as my piggy bank is filling up. Filling up with hope and laughter. Not a laugh with "I told you so" trailing it. But a laugh from the pits of clarity. Laughter with vision. Vision of something different. Not bad. Not good. Maybe amazing. My family can see it. Can you? Everything with inside me feels it. Can you? My wallet smells it. Can you? I want it more now than ever. Do you?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
End Of the Week Rant
A rant to shed some light (no spellcheck, no revision)
People will screw you over. Even the people who you think care about you. People will let you down. They are never 100% reliable or loyal. Be it friends, family, girlfriends, boyfriends, band members, pets, doctors, etc. You cannot rely on anyone except God. You could spend 50 years with someone and they could be gone tomorrow. Who knows why or where they went. God is the only constant. I could be pissed about what has happened to me in my life forever but it won't help anything. I could write out a big list of the people who have screwed me over in my whole life and... no, I take that back. I could give you a giant list of the people who have screwed me over since the beginning of 2009 and hold onto those bad memories forever. But that will not help me. It wont make me grow or continue to keep a kind soul. It will only make me bitter and miserable. I have been severely screwed (recently I may add). But you have been screwed too. And probably by someone you thought would never hurt you. But you have to forgive. You have to or it will consume you. Your whole life will be based on that hidden revenge. If we all walked around holding grudges forever we wouldn't have family, friends or anyone. We would keep everyone at a distance and that's not good. It is not good at all. It's lonely living like that. You have to let go. Be thankful for what bad things haven't happened to you. Be thankful for the things you do have. You might not notice right now but try to look at the good things. Its hard at first but if you try, you will notice. When life knocks you down, don't blame God. God doesn't control people's actions. Everyone is free to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Even if it's pure evil or selfishness. Pain is out there. Its all over. But so is love. If your not looking for love, you'll miss it. Instead of running from God, run towards him. If you look for him, you will find him. He is there. He wants you. I don't know what my future holds. I wish I did. But I do know that if I hold onto the pain and bitterness... It will kill me. And you know what, it doesn't matter how bad someone or something screws you over. It doesn't matter. Even if you think that person deserves the worst of the worst, you have to forgive them and let go of that hate. God is doing good things in my life. He is closing doors and opening new ones. I have been pursuing him more in the past two months than I ever have. And it's good. I have been letting go of the pain. It still creeps up and attacks but its becoming less frequent and less painful. I wont forget but I will forgive. Everyone is good and kind until proven otherwise. If you discover they aren't, you should continue to love them but keep your distance. There is no need to hate or single them out. Just keep your distance. Be cautious. Take care of yourself. Love everyone. Even if they don't deserve it. This is how things are supposed to work. God created us to love. God created us to be around people. God created you to be loving, kind and to care about people. Its only when we stray away that we hurt people and ourselves. I am not a religious nut. Im just telling it like it is. Telling the truth. And the truth can hurt. Its hard to swallow at first. But its still the TRUTH. This is a call out. A call out to everyone who feels hurt or screwed over. I have felt that way too. But I have discovered that God will free you. Your soul needs freedom and God has that for all of us. This is a call out for everyone to try to be more kind. To show more love. To be more friendly. To understand that we are all experiencing hurt. Put aside your fear, anger and hate let God take its place. Love is good and God is love.
People will screw you over. Even the people who you think care about you. People will let you down. They are never 100% reliable or loyal. Be it friends, family, girlfriends, boyfriends, band members, pets, doctors, etc. You cannot rely on anyone except God. You could spend 50 years with someone and they could be gone tomorrow. Who knows why or where they went. God is the only constant. I could be pissed about what has happened to me in my life forever but it won't help anything. I could write out a big list of the people who have screwed me over in my whole life and... no, I take that back. I could give you a giant list of the people who have screwed me over since the beginning of 2009 and hold onto those bad memories forever. But that will not help me. It wont make me grow or continue to keep a kind soul. It will only make me bitter and miserable. I have been severely screwed (recently I may add). But you have been screwed too. And probably by someone you thought would never hurt you. But you have to forgive. You have to or it will consume you. Your whole life will be based on that hidden revenge. If we all walked around holding grudges forever we wouldn't have family, friends or anyone. We would keep everyone at a distance and that's not good. It is not good at all. It's lonely living like that. You have to let go. Be thankful for what bad things haven't happened to you. Be thankful for the things you do have. You might not notice right now but try to look at the good things. Its hard at first but if you try, you will notice. When life knocks you down, don't blame God. God doesn't control people's actions. Everyone is free to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Even if it's pure evil or selfishness. Pain is out there. Its all over. But so is love. If your not looking for love, you'll miss it. Instead of running from God, run towards him. If you look for him, you will find him. He is there. He wants you. I don't know what my future holds. I wish I did. But I do know that if I hold onto the pain and bitterness... It will kill me. And you know what, it doesn't matter how bad someone or something screws you over. It doesn't matter. Even if you think that person deserves the worst of the worst, you have to forgive them and let go of that hate. God is doing good things in my life. He is closing doors and opening new ones. I have been pursuing him more in the past two months than I ever have. And it's good. I have been letting go of the pain. It still creeps up and attacks but its becoming less frequent and less painful. I wont forget but I will forgive. Everyone is good and kind until proven otherwise. If you discover they aren't, you should continue to love them but keep your distance. There is no need to hate or single them out. Just keep your distance. Be cautious. Take care of yourself. Love everyone. Even if they don't deserve it. This is how things are supposed to work. God created us to love. God created us to be around people. God created you to be loving, kind and to care about people. Its only when we stray away that we hurt people and ourselves. I am not a religious nut. Im just telling it like it is. Telling the truth. And the truth can hurt. Its hard to swallow at first. But its still the TRUTH. This is a call out. A call out to everyone who feels hurt or screwed over. I have felt that way too. But I have discovered that God will free you. Your soul needs freedom and God has that for all of us. This is a call out for everyone to try to be more kind. To show more love. To be more friendly. To understand that we are all experiencing hurt. Put aside your fear, anger and hate let God take its place. Love is good and God is love.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Pain
My current mess is not fresh. Not fresh at all. It’s a very difficult mess. One giant messy mess. And although the storm isn't over, the damage is slowly being discovered and it has to be repaired.
During this mess I have been reading a book titled Sex God by author and pastor, Rob Bell. His book is perfect for me. It has opened my eyes so much. And even though I feel like I am walking thru complete darkness right now, I have found great messages inside of it. So today on my break, I was reading and I came across a section that jumped out and grabbed my heart. It struck such a huge chord in me. In all honesty, I teared up. The text seemed like it was written for me. ME!
Hopefully when I’m down and out I will remember to this.
"If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels.
If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels.
The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like."
I was completely shocked that this was written in the book I was holding. I witnessed a real miracle. It was quite breath taking. So what did I do? I kept reading.
"Our healing begins when we participate in the suffering of God. When we don't avoid it but enter into it, and in the process enter into the life of God. When we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker.
And In this connection, there's always the chance we'll find a reason to risk again.
If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too.
Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love.
There is something divine in your suffering.
Somebody divine in your pain.
You know how God feels.
Really good, loving people get hurt. It's how things are.
Maybe you are living in the wake of a relationship that fell apart. You have to dig those moments up. The parts that hurt and the awkward conversations and the anger and the failure and the misunderstanding and the betrayal. You have to dig them up and acknowledge them before you are ever going to heal.
The danger is that you will decide it isn’t worth it. Why risk if it's going to hurt like this? The tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to build around your heart, and for something within you to die.
A decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. They go together.
In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything - that’s what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can’t make us love him - that’s our choice.
Love is risky for God too."
After reading that, my day looked a lot brighter. I felt amazing. I needed this! This was written for me. And the truth is, it makes complete sense. I now see how this is working and why there is so much pain. Maybe this mess will transform into love and growth. Maybe I will come out of this much stronger than before. Maybe God does feel my pain. Maybe I can forgive too.
I find comfort in this. I can see a resolution and a small light at the end of a long tunnel. I see freedom.
During this mess I have been reading a book titled Sex God by author and pastor, Rob Bell. His book is perfect for me. It has opened my eyes so much. And even though I feel like I am walking thru complete darkness right now, I have found great messages inside of it. So today on my break, I was reading and I came across a section that jumped out and grabbed my heart. It struck such a huge chord in me. In all honesty, I teared up. The text seemed like it was written for me. ME!
Hopefully when I’m down and out I will remember to this.
"If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels.
If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels.
The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like."
I was completely shocked that this was written in the book I was holding. I witnessed a real miracle. It was quite breath taking. So what did I do? I kept reading.
"Our healing begins when we participate in the suffering of God. When we don't avoid it but enter into it, and in the process enter into the life of God. When we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker.
And In this connection, there's always the chance we'll find a reason to risk again.
If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too.
Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love.
There is something divine in your suffering.
Somebody divine in your pain.
You know how God feels.
Really good, loving people get hurt. It's how things are.
Maybe you are living in the wake of a relationship that fell apart. You have to dig those moments up. The parts that hurt and the awkward conversations and the anger and the failure and the misunderstanding and the betrayal. You have to dig them up and acknowledge them before you are ever going to heal.
The danger is that you will decide it isn’t worth it. Why risk if it's going to hurt like this? The tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to build around your heart, and for something within you to die.
A decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. They go together.
In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything - that’s what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can’t make us love him - that’s our choice.
Love is risky for God too."
After reading that, my day looked a lot brighter. I felt amazing. I needed this! This was written for me. And the truth is, it makes complete sense. I now see how this is working and why there is so much pain. Maybe this mess will transform into love and growth. Maybe I will come out of this much stronger than before. Maybe God does feel my pain. Maybe I can forgive too.
I find comfort in this. I can see a resolution and a small light at the end of a long tunnel. I see freedom.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Album Reviews
.
311 - Uplifter
311 was probably my favorite band from the year 2000 till about 2005. Which is a good chunk of my high school years. I know all of their songs and I have seen them live 8 times. I was obsessed with them. And then around 2004 or 2005 I started to notice more people wearing their t-shirts and listening to their albums. People who didn't seem like they would like a stoner rock band. And I'll be honest, I was pretty upset. I know its cliche to feel that way but I was still pissed none the less. So I bought their last album Don't Tread On Me in 2005 and it was not the greatest album in the world. In fact I only liked maybe 3 songs off of the whole record. Most of the newer songs just sounded very poppy and radio friendly, which I hated! So the past few years I have been very skeptical of them and the future of their music. So I decided I would give them another chance with Uplifter, which is their newest album. It dropped June 2nd. I bought it that day and listened to it in my car on the ride home. I found myself absolutely disgusted. I didn't hear one good song. This album is the worst album I have ever heard! Do not listen to it. It is all recycled crap from a washed up band. They are in it for the money!
Am I being too harsh? I think not! When you invest your time, money, and love into a band for so long, you cant help but be critical once they start making dumb decisions. Oh, by the way. This is just my opinion so you might like the new album. But what I'm trying to tell you is that you will find this CD in the used Cd section everywhere in about a year. Just don't buy it.
U2 - No Line On the Horizon
To me, no album will ever be better than the Joshua Tree but this album comes really close. I love everything about it. The artwork. The black and white photos. The album name. The music. EVERYTHING! I think the last great U2 album was Achtung Baby which came out in 1991. Every album after that is fairly weak. And then they released No Line On the Horizon. It's a gem. I have been listening to it religiously since its release. If you don't like U2, you might like this album because its a great display of real music. If you do like U2, then I you HAVE to like it. That's the way it works!
Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion
Animal Collective is a great band. Animal Collective makes great music! Animal Collective could run a small country! Their new album has already changed my life for the better. Compared to their older albums, this one is a lot more upbeat and much more positive. Its a great album for a sunny day drive. The singing style on Merriweather Post Pavillion reminds me of the Beach Boys. And if you know me at all, then you know I love early Beach Boys songs. This band is weird and I love it. This album is amazing and I love it. And If you love yourself, you will buy this album.
311 - Uplifter
311 was probably my favorite band from the year 2000 till about 2005. Which is a good chunk of my high school years. I know all of their songs and I have seen them live 8 times. I was obsessed with them. And then around 2004 or 2005 I started to notice more people wearing their t-shirts and listening to their albums. People who didn't seem like they would like a stoner rock band. And I'll be honest, I was pretty upset. I know its cliche to feel that way but I was still pissed none the less. So I bought their last album Don't Tread On Me in 2005 and it was not the greatest album in the world. In fact I only liked maybe 3 songs off of the whole record. Most of the newer songs just sounded very poppy and radio friendly, which I hated! So the past few years I have been very skeptical of them and the future of their music. So I decided I would give them another chance with Uplifter, which is their newest album. It dropped June 2nd. I bought it that day and listened to it in my car on the ride home. I found myself absolutely disgusted. I didn't hear one good song. This album is the worst album I have ever heard! Do not listen to it. It is all recycled crap from a washed up band. They are in it for the money!
Am I being too harsh? I think not! When you invest your time, money, and love into a band for so long, you cant help but be critical once they start making dumb decisions. Oh, by the way. This is just my opinion so you might like the new album. But what I'm trying to tell you is that you will find this CD in the used Cd section everywhere in about a year. Just don't buy it.
U2 - No Line On the Horizon
To me, no album will ever be better than the Joshua Tree but this album comes really close. I love everything about it. The artwork. The black and white photos. The album name. The music. EVERYTHING! I think the last great U2 album was Achtung Baby which came out in 1991. Every album after that is fairly weak. And then they released No Line On the Horizon. It's a gem. I have been listening to it religiously since its release. If you don't like U2, you might like this album because its a great display of real music. If you do like U2, then I you HAVE to like it. That's the way it works!
Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion
Animal Collective is a great band. Animal Collective makes great music! Animal Collective could run a small country! Their new album has already changed my life for the better. Compared to their older albums, this one is a lot more upbeat and much more positive. Its a great album for a sunny day drive. The singing style on Merriweather Post Pavillion reminds me of the Beach Boys. And if you know me at all, then you know I love early Beach Boys songs. This band is weird and I love it. This album is amazing and I love it. And If you love yourself, you will buy this album.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
the Lucky Seven #2
Cartoons:
01. Futurama
02. Family Guy
03. Cowboy Bebop
04. Sponge Bob Squarepants
05. Samurai Champloo
06. Ren & Stimpy
07. Darkwing Duck
Current Music:
01. Animal Collective
02. Blu
03. Natural Calamity
04. Jane's Addiction
05. the Boxer Rebellion
06. White Lies
07. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Guilty Pleasures:
01. Jumping on the trampoline 24/7
02. Mt. Dew
03. Cleaning constantly
04. Buying shoes
05. Eating Sushi
06. Spending all day in Barnes & Noble
07. And of course... Farting!
Items in my trunk:
01. Rollerblades
02. Cooler
03. Windshield wiper fluid
04. Dead bodies
05. Old gallons of drinking water
06. Dirt
07. Clothes for Goodwill
Reasons for life:
01. God
02. Family/Friends
03. Laughter
04. Sushi
05. Fresh kicks
06. Writing/art
07. Traveling
Things that don't matter:
01. Hatred/Haters
02. Dead musicians
03. Top 40 radio
04. Texting
05. This blog
06. This list
07. How well I skate
Hobbies:
01. Rollerblading
02. Reading up on music
03. Writing Poetry/Lyrics/Stories
04. Collecting sun glasses
05. Kendama
06. Hip Hop History
07. Collecting stickers
01. Futurama
02. Family Guy
03. Cowboy Bebop
04. Sponge Bob Squarepants
05. Samurai Champloo
06. Ren & Stimpy
07. Darkwing Duck
Current Music:
01. Animal Collective
02. Blu
03. Natural Calamity
04. Jane's Addiction
05. the Boxer Rebellion
06. White Lies
07. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Guilty Pleasures:
01. Jumping on the trampoline 24/7
02. Mt. Dew
03. Cleaning constantly
04. Buying shoes
05. Eating Sushi
06. Spending all day in Barnes & Noble
07. And of course... Farting!
Items in my trunk:
01. Rollerblades
02. Cooler
03. Windshield wiper fluid
04. Dead bodies
05. Old gallons of drinking water
06. Dirt
07. Clothes for Goodwill
Reasons for life:
01. God
02. Family/Friends
03. Laughter
04. Sushi
05. Fresh kicks
06. Writing/art
07. Traveling
Things that don't matter:
01. Hatred/Haters
02. Dead musicians
03. Top 40 radio
04. Texting
05. This blog
06. This list
07. How well I skate
Hobbies:
01. Rollerblading
02. Reading up on music
03. Writing Poetry/Lyrics/Stories
04. Collecting sun glasses
05. Kendama
06. Hip Hop History
07. Collecting stickers
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Greatest Quote Ever
"What is the difference between Jews and Christians? We all await the messiah. You believe he has come and gone, while we do not. I therefore propose that we await Him together. And when He appears, we can ask him: "Were you here before?" ... And I hope that at that moment I will be close enough to whisper in his ear, "For the love of heaven, don't answer." - Martin Buber
Update 2-23-09
Last year around this time I met my girlfriends roommate's best friend Chris. And during our conversation, he mentioned to me that he was a pescetarian. When I asked what that was he explained to me that he does not eat beef, pork or poultry but he ate fish. He claimed he still ate fish because he still really enjoys fish and at the same time feels that maybe killing and eating fish is not as bad as killing and eating a land creature. I found this lifestyle very interesting and appealing. I liked the idea of self control. Training your body to do what YOU want. So I decided to stop eating meat. My reasoning along with the self control factor was because I truly felt that we, as a society don't really need meat in our diets anymore. We are too advanced for that. At the same time I was really questioning my faith. I wondered if eating innocent animals was a sin. Does it upset God or does he even care? Am I looking too far into this? I wasn't really sure.
I also didn't like the idea that all the meat in fast food restaurants are pumped full of preservatives and chemicals. It just seemed very unnatural. It scared me. My decision was made. No one could change my mind at that point. But I did decide to continue to eat fish. I truly loved seafood and fish and I still do. I love it much more than any other type of meat. That was literally my only reason. You can hate me or love me because of that but I don't care either way.
The first few months were a little difficult. One evening while I was at Bonefish Grill in Oakley with my girlfriend Briana, her mother Caren, Briana's Grandmother and Great Aunt; I ordered some Salmon and corn. And man! was it amazing. I was inhaling the corn because it was absolutely delicious. I asked for seconds on the corn. After I received it, Caren happened to say something along the lines of "I think there is bacon in the corn." So I waited until the waitress came back around and I simply asked her if there was "bacon in the corn?" She responded with, "Oh yes! It's great isn't it?"
Wow! That's awesome. Hahaha. Well that was incident one. I wasn't discouraged though. Its understandable that these things would happen. I continued on my diet of PB&J sandwiches on whole wheat bread. Occasionally enjoying a burrito from Chipotle. But after several months of my burrito love affair, I found out that the pinto beans that I always enjoyed were cooked in some type of meat grease or well, something close to that. I was horrified! All those months that I thought were good and pure, went down the drain! I was a upset but still, I didn't lose sleep over it. I decided to put black beans on my burritos from then on. That was the second and last major incident I can think of. I have done very well since then.
Recently I have been trying to save more money for school, a camera and a small vacation to Ventura, California with Briana. My first step in saving money? Pack my lunches for work. This is not hard at all except that my entire family eats deli meat and there really isn't anything else to eat in our house. Plus If I do decide to eat out, its not cheap. I found that the only places to go are Panera, Noodles & Co., McCallisters, and any type of breakfast food restaurant. Eating at these specific locations can be expensive. But If I grab a deli sandwich from a local deli or a burger, I'll generally save a few bucks.
So last week I made a conscious decision to eat a turkey sandwich because I didn't want to go out. And Ill have to tell you, it was pretty good. And a day or two later I had another turkey sandwich and It was also really good. I took it slow because I know some people who didn't eat meat for a long period of time and then got sick when they ate it again. A few days ago I mentioned to Bri that I had a turkey sandwich and she seemed surprised but not upset. I am sure she doesn't really care what I consume, as long as it doesn't kill me or make my farts worse than they already are. I also think that since it has been roughly one year since I stopped, maybe eating meat again isn't a bad thing. I have proven to myself and others that I have self control and I can take things seriously. But I have also shown myself a dedication which I never knew I had and that means a lot to me. So meat is back on the menu for me but I am still not sure If ill eat beef. Beef still scares me. Only time will tell.
I also didn't like the idea that all the meat in fast food restaurants are pumped full of preservatives and chemicals. It just seemed very unnatural. It scared me. My decision was made. No one could change my mind at that point. But I did decide to continue to eat fish. I truly loved seafood and fish and I still do. I love it much more than any other type of meat. That was literally my only reason. You can hate me or love me because of that but I don't care either way.
The first few months were a little difficult. One evening while I was at Bonefish Grill in Oakley with my girlfriend Briana, her mother Caren, Briana's Grandmother and Great Aunt; I ordered some Salmon and corn. And man! was it amazing. I was inhaling the corn because it was absolutely delicious. I asked for seconds on the corn. After I received it, Caren happened to say something along the lines of "I think there is bacon in the corn." So I waited until the waitress came back around and I simply asked her if there was "bacon in the corn?" She responded with, "Oh yes! It's great isn't it?"
Wow! That's awesome. Hahaha. Well that was incident one. I wasn't discouraged though. Its understandable that these things would happen. I continued on my diet of PB&J sandwiches on whole wheat bread. Occasionally enjoying a burrito from Chipotle. But after several months of my burrito love affair, I found out that the pinto beans that I always enjoyed were cooked in some type of meat grease or well, something close to that. I was horrified! All those months that I thought were good and pure, went down the drain! I was a upset but still, I didn't lose sleep over it. I decided to put black beans on my burritos from then on. That was the second and last major incident I can think of. I have done very well since then.
Recently I have been trying to save more money for school, a camera and a small vacation to Ventura, California with Briana. My first step in saving money? Pack my lunches for work. This is not hard at all except that my entire family eats deli meat and there really isn't anything else to eat in our house. Plus If I do decide to eat out, its not cheap. I found that the only places to go are Panera, Noodles & Co., McCallisters, and any type of breakfast food restaurant. Eating at these specific locations can be expensive. But If I grab a deli sandwich from a local deli or a burger, I'll generally save a few bucks.
So last week I made a conscious decision to eat a turkey sandwich because I didn't want to go out. And Ill have to tell you, it was pretty good. And a day or two later I had another turkey sandwich and It was also really good. I took it slow because I know some people who didn't eat meat for a long period of time and then got sick when they ate it again. A few days ago I mentioned to Bri that I had a turkey sandwich and she seemed surprised but not upset. I am sure she doesn't really care what I consume, as long as it doesn't kill me or make my farts worse than they already are. I also think that since it has been roughly one year since I stopped, maybe eating meat again isn't a bad thing. I have proven to myself and others that I have self control and I can take things seriously. But I have also shown myself a dedication which I never knew I had and that means a lot to me. So meat is back on the menu for me but I am still not sure If ill eat beef. Beef still scares me. Only time will tell.
the Lucky Seven
Comfort Food:
1. pizza
2. cereal
3. waffles
4. grilled cheese
5. ramen noodles
6. PB&J
7. burrittos
Rollerbladers I Look Up To:
1. Pat Lennen
2. Aaron Feinberg
3. Mike Obedoza
4. Chris Haffey
5. Robert Guerrero
6. Eric Bailey
7. Ben Schwab
Little Known Facts:
1. I can sleep 12-15 hours if given the chance
2. I judge people by their shoes
3. Im not a fan of NASCAR or country music (they both cause cancer)
4. Goatees are so 2004
5. I truly enjoy driving and listening to music
6. I am slowly working on a Hip Hop EP
7. The older I get, the less I am interested in video games
Favorite Words:
1. "RUN!!!!!"
2. fart
3. wow (thanks to Jarrod)
4. baby
5. generally
6. technically
7. hmmm
Loves:
1. Jesus
2. Mom
3. Girlfriend
4. cookies
5. Seinfeld
6. back rubs
7. Friends?
Movie Scenes:
1. Romeo + Juliet - Beach scene where Mercutio is stabbed.
2. the Big Lebowski - When Walter smashes the red sports car with a crowbar.
3. Chasing Amy - 4 way intersection scene. (So funny!)
4. E.T. - When ET leaves earth and Elliott Cries. (Classic)
5. Half Baked - Feeding the horse
6. Super Troopers - Intro scene
7. Vanilla Sky - Empty Times Square scene
Chill:
1. driving
2. girlfriend
3. skating
4. Diverse (MC)
5. Autumn
6. waffle house
7. Seinfeld (AGAIN!!!)
1. pizza
2. cereal
3. waffles
4. grilled cheese
5. ramen noodles
6. PB&J
7. burrittos
Rollerbladers I Look Up To:
1. Pat Lennen
2. Aaron Feinberg
3. Mike Obedoza
4. Chris Haffey
5. Robert Guerrero
6. Eric Bailey
7. Ben Schwab
Little Known Facts:
1. I can sleep 12-15 hours if given the chance
2. I judge people by their shoes
3. Im not a fan of NASCAR or country music (they both cause cancer)
4. Goatees are so 2004
5. I truly enjoy driving and listening to music
6. I am slowly working on a Hip Hop EP
7. The older I get, the less I am interested in video games
Favorite Words:
1. "RUN!!!!!"
2. fart
3. wow (thanks to Jarrod)
4. baby
5. generally
6. technically
7. hmmm
Loves:
1. Jesus
2. Mom
3. Girlfriend
4. cookies
5. Seinfeld
6. back rubs
7. Friends?
Movie Scenes:
1. Romeo + Juliet - Beach scene where Mercutio is stabbed.
2. the Big Lebowski - When Walter smashes the red sports car with a crowbar.
3. Chasing Amy - 4 way intersection scene. (So funny!)
4. E.T. - When ET leaves earth and Elliott Cries. (Classic)
5. Half Baked - Feeding the horse
6. Super Troopers - Intro scene
7. Vanilla Sky - Empty Times Square scene
Chill:
1. driving
2. girlfriend
3. skating
4. Diverse (MC)
5. Autumn
6. waffle house
7. Seinfeld (AGAIN!!!)
My Two Cents 2-12-09
You could call me a radical in a way. If you do, it is only because my ideas are uncommon or simply not spoken. If anyone feels the way I do, they need to speak up now. Too long has the Democratic and Republican parties controlled OUR country. Conservative and Liberal ideas are dated and unrealistic in today's world. As a society we need to move on. One common trait a true Democrat and Republican share is a biased view. Which, in my opinion, is a major flaw. I have grown up in a conservative home while at the same time, having friends that are generally liberal leaning. Being stuck in the middle, you tend to notice ignorant ideas among both sides. Although some ideas can be accurate, it is still rare. This is not an attack against anyone. I am not trying to stir anything up. I am simply trying to pursue a better future for our country. Too many times does the level headed, self appointed "middle of the road" person vote for a candidate who is NOT middle of the road. Why is America obsessed with these two parties? When will we truly vote for who we want or agree with? Ignore & avoid influence at all costs! For once, sit down and really weigh the issues. Figure out who you really want running our country. Do the research. Voting for a government official, whether it be a President, Governor, Mayor should not be like American Idol. WE ARE NOT VOTING FOR ROCK STARS!
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