Ohmega Watts

"We're all instruments of God and as any musicians instrument, we should be tuned to operate properly, so that can translate to our spiritual walk to our habits."

Are We All Forgotten?

Years ago I met my lover
On the banks of the stormy Jordan
Years ago I met my lover
How I wish that we could meet again

Have I lost my faith in you?
Are we all forgotten to?
Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

I still believe that change can happen
Though it's hard and it happens slowly
I still believe forgiveness comes with love
And God when it washes over me

If we've all forgotten you
Are we all forgotten to?
Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

So what are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?

Don't you break my heart
Don't you break my heart again

Mad Props To Pi Patel

I have a tendency to abandon God when I feel lost. Within days of false loneliness, I run for the hills. I give up. And in those moments I find myself more miserable then ever. When I give up or show signs of hesitation, I expect God to walk into the room and reassure me that he is with me. Time and time again I come to the hard realization that he doesn't do that. He will not give me a sign when I throw temper tantrums. That is not how he works. Since I have started my walk with Christ, I'm discovering how God really operates. And expecting him to show me constant signs is not growth. It will not teach me how to depend on Him and to have faith.

So I am learning new things and going through spiritual trials. My newest lesson is to really trust in Him even when my life seems stagnant or aimless. One of the biggest ideas of Christianity is faith and that is something I tend to forget.

When I run away from God, not only am I hurting but he is hurting too. He feels that abandonment. And when I come stumbling back, I feel like I am back at square one. I become skeptical all over again. I try to apply my own ideas and superstitions to my walk. Which ultimately leads to breaking everything down and re-learning and discovering the true teachings of Christ.

A few evenings ago I had a mental breakdown. It was terrible. Only negative thoughts we're coming into my brain. I was furious at God. Pissed about what I have gone through and why I don't deserve it. Pissed about my money situation and how I still feel lost in life. And I yelled and kicked and screamed and nothing happened. I just fell asleep. When I awoke the next morning, I felt different than the night before. I felt blessed about my job and my family. I felt happy. And that's when I realized that God has blessed me and I can't look for the negative things. I have to focus on Him and all the wonderful things he has put in my life.

And I have been wondering, how long will God chase me?

Why should I continue to run away when He is always by my side?

And where is my faith?

Maybe I haven't reached the next level because I keep falling. I take three steps forward and then four steps back. So maybe in realizing that my next area of growth is to stop running away when things look bad is my new conviction. It is my growth. God has blessed me.

Thank you, Lord.